so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
