Too much gin, very little bucket
Redeem this text for a blowjob
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
