OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
