My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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