he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
