Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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