I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
