Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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