so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
