I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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