You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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