He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
