Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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