My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
