You're so nebulous sometimes
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
