i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
