he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
