I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
