My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
