Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
