We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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