this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
