Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
