why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
