did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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