i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
