I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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