that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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