So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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