I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
