similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
