i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
