So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
