Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
