At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
