Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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