It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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