I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
