Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
