i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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