I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
