You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
