so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
