Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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