Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
