Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
