I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
