My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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