so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
