Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
