She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
